I have been a member of Vail Place for six years now and my life has changed drastically. I remember the early February day that precipitated my coming to Vail Place. It was a cloudy day and as usual I had nowhere to be. I had been a teacher until my illness took that from me. I taught some special children who gave their trust slowly but our bond was very strong. They were children who weren’t making it in the regular classroom. Especially Alex, he had been thrown out of every program and classroom he had been in except mine. We were a family of sorts dealing with problems together. Their lives were changing and I cared deeply for them. But because my illness was so severe I had to leave suddenly. My illness caused me to break their fragile trust and my own heart which is only now beginning to heal.
On this particular day I was lying on my bed thinking of ways to kill myself, wondering who would take care of the cat. I had overdosed twice in the past and almost died both times I was having a difficult time not doing that again. I found myself rocking back and forth trying very hard not to engage in the behavior of beating on my head repeatedly with my fists, hitting myself as hard as I possibly could, as I had done so many times before. Later that day I spoke to my case manager when she asked how my day was going I told her the truth. She told me things had to change I needed to get out and do something.
She suggested Vail Place. I reluctantly agreed to try it. I had tried other drop-in programs and I just felt like I was being baby-sat. I really didn’t think that this program would be any different. But I took the tour and liked what I saw. There were opportunities here so I went through the process to become a member. Then came the day that would change the path of my life and my illness. I came into the club my first day after orientation and there was a group of people meeting to prepare for the international seminar Vail Place was getting ready to host. I was invited to join the meeting. In that instant my life gained responsibility and meaning again. I was asked if I wanted to help with tasks, my opinion counted and there was the matter of the logo design contest. I was truly excited about the chance to be creative again. I was hooked; I said yes I would help. This was the start of what has become a way out of those days rocking in bed trying not to hurt myself.
I feel like I am involved in something that matters. As the months and years have passed I have seen my illness go into a remission of sorts. That is not to say that there are not tough days and there are still times when I think about dying. However I no longer think about ways to kill myself. I no longer engage in self-harm. Vail Place is the biggest factor in my being able to make those changes in my life. When symptoms become too hard to handle I know that if I can get to Vail Place my day will get better and I can get the help that I need.
With the support of Vail Place I am now volunteering with children who are in transition. I love it and it feels great to be back with children. I have worked my way up to volunteering 70 hours per month. I belong to those kids in room 116. I am a tutor, a friend, a teacher and the class mom to 27 kindergarteners. Through scholarship money from the Millie Goldstone fund at Vail Place I had taken some Spanish classes and I now can tutor our Spanish readers in Spanish.
I also was honored to be asked by my doctor to join a think tank/committee to help develop patient success and develop a home base for all of their care. I am providing feedback to the doctors and nurses about how I learned to take such good care of myself. The first thing I told them about was Vail Place, with its focus on recovery and teaching us that only we can do it, but Vail Place would support us all the way. I have lost 125 lbs. I am very healthy. And I make good choices. It didn’t happen before I came to Vail Place and started feeling like a person of value.
I am finding that with the support of Vail Place I can work. I can succeed and live a full life in which I see myself not only surviving but really living. At Vail Place I have rebuilt my life and confidence and my heart. I am looking forward to working, offering support to others and educating the public about mental illness and the possibilities of recovery.
Testimony regarding state shutdown, summer 2011
On July 1, 2011, the state of Minnesota, unable to reach a budget compromise, shutdown. The uncertainty over what essential services would continue to be funded during the indefinite shutdown is being decided by Ramsey Court Judge Kathleen Gearin, with the help of “special master” Judge Kathleen Blatz.
On the morning of the shutdown, two Vail Place members, Julie Tate and Theresa Dolata, joined Co-Executive Director Kathie Prieve to testify before Judge Blatz. They stressed that funding for Vail Place’s Community Support Program services, which were not included in the initial list of essential services to be funded, were in fact critical services and should be funded. Julie’s and Theresa’s testimonies were effective an poignant, receiving widespread local and national coverage. They spoke not only to the immediate issue of the shutdown, but, even more importantly, to the need to protect mental health services in any eventual budget compromise. Here is Julie’s testimony.
For me and my peers Vail Place is not an optional service. Without Vail Place I will most certainly lose control of my mental health. For me this means that the voices that I hear will become out of control, I will feel suicidal most of the time having obsessive thoughts of killing myself. I know this because I have had a mental illness since 1982. I was recently reminded of how severe the voices can get when I had foot surgery three weeks ago and I had to be at home in bed. After about a week I told my surgeon I was going back to Vail Place before I ended up in the hospital or worse yet decided to listen to the obsessive thoughts and take my own life. Bed rest was simply not an option any longer. I don’t say that to scare you - I tell you this because I am afraid that something so necessary for my life could be considered optional.
What I get at Vail Place is a place to ease the isolation that causes my symptoms to worsen. I get almost daily support from staff and peers. I can call Vail Place if I need phone support. I have a place that quite frankly if it didn’t exist I would be dead. That is why my case manager sent to Vail Place. Before I started at Vail Place I was hospitalized 5 to 6 times a year for weeks at a time. Since starting at Vail eight years ago I have only been in the hospital three short times. It has been four years since my last visit to an inpatient hospital unit. It may seem trivial to need some place for support. But the support of Vail Place saves money and lives every day it operates. It is a necessary service for the health and well being of people with mental illness which includes me.
