Robby's story | Vail Place

Good Morning. I’m Robby Anderson

JEFF....Our only child and the only child in our extended family. He received a lot of attention throughout his life. In fact our lives revolved around him. Because he was surrounded by adults, he started talking and reading very early. One of the special times that we will always remember is the day that Jeff had his bar mitzva. I still remember my speech to him about all the wonderful times we had together on our many camping adventures, and our fishing and skiing trips. I told how we had watched him grow from a little boy with insatiable curiosity to an expert fisherman, a baseball player and baseball card collector, excellent downhill skier and guitar player. He had a special sense humor and a contagious laugh. He loved entertaining us with his imitations which demonstrated his observations of people. I also remember him saying in his speech that he hoped that he would live a full life, a life that would be filled with many positive experiences. At the end of my speech I told him that as parents we were there to help him reach his maximum potential and give him all of our love, support and hoped to celebrate many more joyous occasions together. Little did we know what the future would be for our child.

In school his teachers reported that he daydreamed often and had difficulty focusing. Attention deficit was ruled out after testing. He did begin having some difficulties building relationships and socializing with other children. I recall having conversations with the social workers and counselors to find out what kinds of things we could do to help Jeff. I left most of those meetings discouraged with few suggestions or ideas. However, from the time he was 13 he always had a girlfriend. They were crazy about this good looking kid who played the guitar and was quite the athlete.

When he was about 17 his behavior began to go downhill. He became aggressive at home, seemed to have a lack of motivation and had difficulty with emotional connections. He began smoking marijuana at the age of 18 and experimented with other drugs. We assumed this was all rebellious teenage behavior. And then when our19 year old son came home from his 2nd year in college my husband and I realized there was something terribly wrong.

His behavior this time had become intolerable. His anger and rage were out of control at times. He was volatile and explosive, aggressive and controlling, he was paranoid and suspicious. He was isolated and had no friends. He was unable to carry on a conversation. He had difficulty with listening and communicating. He would say he didn’t understand what we were saying. He constantly told me that I looked very weird and that he could control my mind. He was delusional.

We were confused, fearful, and anxious. He had no insight into what was happening to him.

His life and our life became out of control. After many weeks of planning and encountering challenges we finally were able to have him admitted to the psych ward in the hospital. I recall listening to the doctors tell us that he had schizophrenia as they began to try various medications to reduce his symptoms of paranoia, delusions and hallucinations. In disbelief I begged the doctor to look at his pictures and shared with him that this was our child he was talking about, a handsome young man with a future to look forward to, not just another patient with a mental illness. We knew then that life’s path was changing for all of us.

After 4 long hospitalizations and many months of day treatment, living in a number of homes for individuals with mental illness he finally was stable enough to move to an adult foster care home.

During this period I kept hearing about Vail Place and desperately wanted Jeff to become a member. It took 3 years from the time I began talking to Jeff about visiting Vail Place that he eventually took a tour. We went there three different times before he actually agreed to walk through the front door. Finally we made it. As we entered, we saw members sitting at a coffee bar chatting, we saw members sitting in front of the fireplace just relaxing, we saw people conversing with staff about their issues. We felt an immediate sense of warmth and belonging. It all felt so right.

When Jeff initially became a member of Vail Place he had no motivation to find a job which was one of his goals. I shared with Jeff that he couldn’t just stay in his room and isolate. I told him that he had two options. One was to work or the other was to go to Vail Place 3 times a week. He chose to go to Vail Place unaware of how positively his involvement would impact his life. As the years went by we once again began talking about finding a part time job in addition to going to Vail Place. He said, “Why do I need to find a job when I already have a job which is going to Vail Place.” So we had to work on changing that thought process.

This past summer he worked part time for the Twins at Target Field Jeff now goes to Vail Place in the morning 4 to 5 times a week to socialize with others and participates in some of their activities   Vail Place has opened up a whole new world for him. He enjoys sitting at the coffee bar. He looks forward to the annual downhill ski trip to Afton Alps. He likes playing pool with his “peeps: as he refers to his buddies. He enjoys eating lunches there. He loved going on the rides with his buddies at Valley Fair. He looks forward to the annual Tour de Vail and the annual picnic to play softball. And more than anything he loves playing softball every summer on the Vail Place team.

There is so much that I’ve learned on this unexpected journey. I’ve learned that taking baby steps can lead to big leaps. Every year he takes a few new steps to become more engaged in the community and in activities. At the beginning of his illness he couldn’t sit in a room with a few people for more than 5 minutes and now he has an entire community of people at VP to converse with.

Over these past years I’ve often thought about where would Jeff be and where I would be without Vail Place. As a mother of a child with a serious mental illness there is no greater joy than experiencing the positive transformation from total isolation and paranoia to engaging with people and feeling the sense of belonging that Vail place has provided to him.

What if Vail Place didn’t exist? It would mean that my son wouldn’t be connected to a community of people that he feels comfortable and safe with. If Vail Place didn’t exist my son wouldn’t have the opportunity to participate in activities he otherwise would have no access to. If Vail Place didn’t exist it would mean that my son wouldn’t have a reason to get up in the morning. If Vail Place didn’t exit it would mean that my son would not have learned how to take public transportation to get there every morning. If Vail Place didn’t exist it wound mean that my son wouldn’t have had a case manager that supported him and unobtrusively helped him on his journey. If Vail Place didn’t exist my son would not have developed and grown into the person he is today.

Jeff has been stable for 9 years. He continues to live in an adult foster care home with 3 other men with MI. He is very comfortable and happy there. He has come a long way from where he began 13 years ago. Life is still very challenging for him and for us but we all continue to learn, grow and work on accepting the journey we are on together.

Even though Jeff’s life has been volatile what has remained a constant is that Vail Place has been there to help in so many different ways. We need to continue to support this invaluable organization that has impacted so many lives.

This is one story of one mother’s son. One example of what Vail Place has done for one family, my family. I know that there are many more positive life changing stories like ours. Thank you for listening to my family’s story.